“When you stop looking for reasons to dislike people, you will begin to make or discover some very unique and lasting relationships.”
Here is everyone’s problem (including myself): When we meet someone new we instantly place them into groups. Either #1 People we share all (or most) the same values with, or #2 People we don’t share values with. This is entirely unfair to the second group because they don’t have a donuts chance in a police station to break through your defenses and have access to your “potential new friend” list.
They never even get a shot. Everything that comes out of their mouth has already been covered in a slimy layer of doubt and disgust due to your negative assumptions, and NOTHING they say will ever truly reach your ears in the intended form it was delivered. You label it as a “Junk Mail” and discard it before you even take a serious look at it. But, the people who are on the “white-list” of your potential new friend list, they share your values, they will hardly challenge your belief system or your political views and so they get a seat right next to you at lunch automatically, without ever really earning it!
This is a broken way of living; it is self-limiting, negligent, and pompous. I learned that lesson this past weekend. I met 25+ people literally from all over the world. Texas, Charlotte, Australia, New Jersey, Alaska, Minnesota, California, Connecticut, Guam, Florida…the list goes on. Here is what happened. We all got along right out of the gate and never looked back. I don’t know or care what all of these people’s views or beliefs were, because for what we were trying to accomplish, it was irrelevant. Now, you are saying to yourself, “Ya…but what if they were some crazy atheist / Buddhist / Bible-thumper / PETA Activist? No one can be friends with those ‘X group’ people!”
If that is your attitude, I have to say that you are dead wrong. That is EXACTLY the problem I am talking about. All of those things, those labels, have NOTHING to do with who people ARE. Now sure, some people let their values and beliefs take over their personality, always spouting rhetoric, or calling ‘Y group’ stupid and ‘Z group’ liars. I am not talking about those types of people, but when you are with a group of people, and you have a common goal ahead of you, nothing should be able to stand in your way.
I am a Carnivore, I love eating meat. I am now good friends with a staunch Vegan. We talked for about 2 hours about why we eat the things we do and simply respected the other’s views without ever mocking it. And I truly did respect his views; Joey has many well thought out and logical reasons to not eat meat, and I admire that, just as he respects my eating habits as being my choice to make based off of the reasoning behind MY reasons.
It was a wonderful moment, because in the past I would have instantly stamped on Joey’s head “CRAZY VEGAN WACK-O” and tuned out everything he had to say, just waiting for my chance to rebut and convince him he was wrong. But not this weekend. This weekend on Coronado Island the energy was completely different. We were all working together toward this goal we all have, and that mode of thinking has united each and every one of us into a tight-knit group of Entrepreneurs who are going to be doing some amazing things in this industry. Keep your eyes out for the Coronado Crusaders!
We didn’t let pettiness get in the way of our bonds and our team growth.
Are you limiting your relationships?
Better think about it. You should strive to get the MOST you can out of every person you meet. I don’t mean take advantage of them or use them or anything like that. What I mean is that you have much more in common with most people than you would think, and everyone has something new and fresh to offer the next person. Trust me, I learned a great deal about SO many new things and I shared new information to others as well, all in a non-confrontational, non-stressful, no-pressure type of interaction. And it changed the way I think about meeting new people. Try it out guys.
Cheers.
Clay Eudaly
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Clay, that was a life changing weekend. We all have a built in mechanism that tries to make us right and others wrong, it is kind of a survival mechanism. It is really reactive and not analytical. I have found that there is nothing wrong with letting other be right, it doesn’t necessarily make me wrong.
That is a great revelation Clay.
Jan